what if i found you
by earanemith
Summary: it is 5 years ago since Ziva and Tony saw eachother for the last time. They stil love one an other but may it be
1. Chapter 1

**So this will be a short story 1,2,3 chaptors. Review tell me what you think. **

**Chaptor 1 – Lost again**

Ziva was lying on her back on bed. Thinking off the past, she knew now that Tony had loved her. When she was in America she had visited Abby. And she couldn't keep her mouth shut.

'_Have you kept contact with Tony' Abby had asked when they were walking in the parc._

'_No, why should I' she had answered 'He and I, we just don't '_

'_O come on Ziva. You and Tony are just about right together. Well I mean back then' Abby said._

'_What do you mean by that' she had asked suspicious._

'_you didn't know. He loved you, the whole team knew it, Gibbs knew it' Abby almost yelled._

That was when she realized it. He had loved her, all that time and he didn't say a word. But she thought to herself I also never asked for something more. She had it kept deep inside of her, like all her emotions. Now she wished that she had told him.

She had to find him talk to him one last time maybe he stil felt something for her. She knew that he probably had a new life now, but stil she needed to see him.

**Days later in America **-

Abby had told her where he lived now, her car pulled up befor the house. She turned of the motor of her car but didn't got out. What if he had a wife and children than she couldn't tell him. it would only hurt her. She took a deep breath and stept out her car.

Just a fiew meters she thought that wasn't so hard to do, now the only thing she had to do was knock.

She heard footsteps behind the door, just befor it was opend. She looked in his eyes, they were stil the same as back then.

'Shalom' she said as he looked back at her.

'Ziva. I. euh. Hello I guess' Tony said 'come in' but befor he even had closed the door he asked 'what are you doing here'

She knew that this question would come, she couldn't just say "Well I just stoped by to tell you that I love you". So instead she said 'I was in America for a mission, it is finished and I just thought…' she couldn't say anything more, because she didn't knew what the end of her words were.

Tony lead her to the living room where they sat down, and an unpleasant silence began.

The last time they had seen each other was five years ago. When Ziva had pointed a gun at him, without realizing it they both saw the last time they met in there mindes.

_Than it had been a long two moths since they saw each other, Ziva's father had called her back to mossad. What they both didn't knew was that the other was closer than they thought. Her father called her with him. _

'_Ziva, I need you to murder someone for me, for mossad__' Eli david had said._

'_Can't I just get the information out of him by not killing him. I don't want to be a killer anymore__'Ziva had said._

'_No you will only kill him, for me. I do not want information only his deadbody' __Eli said without moving a muchle. _

'_I will not do it. I'm done with this, done with mossad__' She had yelled at was something she shouldn't have said._

'_you will kill him, but befor you do I will let you feel just a little bit of what happens if you leave mossad, leave me__' Eli said. And with only saying it didn't stay. He stood up, suprissing his daughter by pulling his knife. He pushed her to the wall and cut her cheek befor slapping it. He beat her even more untill she was lying on the floor, one last time he beat her befor putting the knife in he stomace. Making sure that no organs were hit._

_It was two weeks later Ziva was on a mission, well not really a mission more an assassination. She didn't had the name of her victim she didn't want to know. She let her self in it was allready dark, she sat in the living room waiting for her victim to show._

_One hour had past when finally the door opend the light stayed out. When he walked in it was time to rolle. She pulled her knife, a gun would make to much noise 'stop right there, or it will get messy' then she tackled her victim. What she didn't expected was that her victim was strong and trow her of him and turned the lightes on. Without looking she pussed him to the wall and put the knife to his troat. _

'_Ziva' He said. Then she looked in his eyes, the eyes that she loved. 'what the hell are you doing. Put that knife down'_

'_I can't '_

'_what do you mean you can't. Ziva it's me' Tony said she didn't lower the knife 'we were a team, friends, a family' he tried._

'_I know it's just if I won't than'_

_He saw the thin line on her olive skin, she had already felt what would happen if she didn't kill him. 'Oke well than do it, Kill me like I'm nothing to you, just another of your targgets. '_

_She looked in his eyes and knew she couldn't she loved him to much. 'I'm sorry' she cut only his arm so that he was distrackted than she run out the door without looking back._

'Tony I'm sorry' Ziva brook the silence.

'rule number 6 never say your sorry' was the only thing Tony could say. 'I've missed you'

'me to. It is just I came her because of Abby. She told me that all thoose years you' she couldn't say anything more. She just stared he didn't say a thing.

'I know I hurt you I wanted to know why you didn't say anything to me. Back than and last time' She tried.

'You wanted to know' she could hear the pain in his voice 'what should I've said. What tell me Ziva. That you were a part of my life. But you just walked away. Left us, left me. I thought I could trust you back than'

'But Tony' Ziva almost cried he was hurt she could see it, could feel it. 'you can trust me'.

_Whas it really over between them._

He began to shout ' No Ziva I can't not anymore. I called you, wrote you but you never returned. You left without saying anything to me, you said goodbye to everyone. Gibbs, Abby, Mcgee Ducky even to Palmer but not to Me. Can you imagen how I felt, how I still feel. What Abby has told you was true. Is true but I just can't. Just leave, go and don't come back'


	2. found or lost

**Chaptor 2 – found or lost**

'Tony I'

'NO, Ziva GO. And Don't Come Back' he yelled at her.

With tears in her eyes she ran outside, got in her car and drove away. It was over. To much pain. Tomorrow she would leave and don't return not even for Abby, Mcgee or anyone of her old team. It was broken, there had happen to much. Her father was right, he never liked Tony and had said that he didn't love her, only would cause her pain. And that the only one she could trust was him, and she believed him.

That night she cried herself to sleep, something she hadn't done for years.

* * *

'And Don't Come Back' he yelled at her. He saw her leaving, driving away without looking backwards.

He went back inside and felt a tear fall down his cheek. She had hurt him yes, she had left him yes, she had come back with orders to kill him yes, and almost did it, almost. He thought what just had happen. She had come to ask if he still felt the same for her, offcors he did. What he had said he just realized. He had said that he didn't trust her. That she had left. But is wasn't her choise, and he was just thinking about himself. He stil trusted her, he only didn't trust himself anymore, because he thought he was the cause of her leaving. That was stupid, she had to it had nothing to do with him or her.

And now he had said that she shouldn't return ever, and knowing Ziva she was hurt, hurt by him and herself and wouldn't return.

With that thought in his mind he fel asleep on the couch.

* * *

Ziva was on her way to the air port. She didn't even see the road she was going. Only two hours and she would leave forever.

* * *

After hours of sleepless sleep he woke up. She should leave soon, but did he want her to. Thoughts ran truw his mind.

_She had always be on his mind wherever he was going even thoose past 5 years. And had always remained a part of him. The part he couldn't find. _

He had to stop her, tell her. He grabbed his phone calling Ziva's cell. It didn't work. Abby's number he got Mcgee.

'Hey, McProbie it's me give Abby' as soon as he got Abby 'Sorry to call you this early Abs it's just. Can you check for me when Ziva is leaving And fast' than he hung up. Only to be called back a minute later.

'her plain leaves in 1 hour, floor number three privite flight. But what do you thing Anthony, whats going on tell me and don't even think about…' she couldn't end her words because Tony ended the call. It was about 50 minutes to the airport so he better hurried up.

50 minutes later -

Okay so wheres that damn plain. He run up and down the stairs took some lefts and rights. There it was the plain whas ther. There where men who tied to stop him 'agent' and he showed his old badge for a second than running faster she was alreading on the stairs to get in.

So this was it, the last time on the airport, last time in America she thought when she walked up the stair.

'Ziva, Please Wait'She heard and turned around, Tony he was just past security.

She couldn't bare to see him so she got in the plain. When Tony became closer the plain closed it's door and started the motor. The securityguys came and dragged Tony away. He saw the plain leave, he saw it fly a way with Ziva for a second time his heart was gone.


	3. Long lost

**I promised to upload soon and I did, the story is finnished so only uploading is to do. **

**more you preview sooner I'll put them up **

**Lots of love and reading fun  
**

**Chaptor 3- long lost**

Ziva sat in the plane looking out the window as she left america for the last time. The land that had been her home when Israell hadn't been. She thought of the last moment with Tony when her mind went to long lost memories.

'_Come on Zi, Movie night my place 'Tony begged with puppy eyes._

'_Okay but I get to choose the movie' she laughed_

_They ended up watching a movie he'd had picked anyway but it had been nice._

On the airport Tony watched the plain fly away, with his heart for the second time, he thought of the last time that had happen he was to late then just as he was now.

'_Abs why are you crying' he had asked, to the goth who was sitting in a corner almost five years ago._

'_Because she will go away today for good' had Abby said on a so not Abby tone._

'_wait who is going away and when today'_

_Abby's eyes had gone big 'she. She didn't tell you didn't say goodbye'_

'_Abby who'_

'_Ziva' she said with a little sob._

_That couldn't be he thought he had been her yesterday night and she didn't said anything. 'Abby that can't I saw her yesterday she didn't say anything about leaving'_

'_Oh Tony I'm so sorry for that. I think she couldn't…'_

_He realized that she was acting weird, after another passionated night. They had been sleeping with each other for the past moth since Gibbs was send on a early retirement. He did not have to leave for another fifteen years but Vance said that he couldn't trust Gibbs again, after a mission went bad. And every time she had lay her head down on his chest and had fallen asleep while he stroke her hear. But not that time she had lain down on the end of the bed when he wanted to stroke her hear she almost flinched._

'_when will she leave'_

'_oh I'm really sorry I know you guys'_

'_Abby when' he said with a panic in his voice_

'_in about an hour and a half, platform 6'_

_He didn't even thanked Abby he rushed out of the door to the airport._

_He had seen the plain and run as fast as his legs could carry him. 'Ziva, ZIVA' he had screamed when he saw her walking past the stewardess. She had looked around and there gaze hold. He had seen her lips move "I am sorry" than she had turned around and walked in the plain like now._

than it had been two months since they saw each other. He had carried on living with a broken heart. He wasn't the same everyone noticed only Vance didn't. he separated the team for a second, and a third, and fourth and fifth time. It went on and on, right now it was messy on NCIS . Vance had gone, why no one knew but they didn't really care. Momentarily Cynthia, who had stayed after the dead of Jenny had taken over NCIS only for a while.

Broken he went to NCIS sat behind his desk. His desk was still his desk, only his team wasn't Mcgee was still in the basement, Abby was alone in the lab, and he sat there Cynithia wasn't allowed to put the team back together and what would make the difference, Gibbs wasn't there, Ziva wasn't there. And Ducky wasn't there. Palmer had taken over, okay he had Palmer but you couldn't exactly have a deep going talk with him. He decided he had to go to someone to talk and it would be Ducky.

-----

When he was in front of Ducky's house he thought for a moment before he knocked.

'Anthony' ducky said when he opened the door 'to what do I earn your company'

'I lost her again Duck. I just need to'

'Ah I see come in dear boy' they walked to the living room 'sit down. Tell me what happened'

Tony did his whole story, he did not leave anything out. He trusted ducky he had kept him up the first time.

'it is just. When I fell in love with Jeanne and well everything that happened did, I thought that I couldn't live anymore that it hurt to much, that I loved her to much. But when Ziva left it was like what happened with Jeanne was nothing but a small scratch. But after what happen I don't know if I still love her if I can'

Ducky said nothing for a moment thinking of what to say. 'well Anthony, if you really love a person with whole your heart you do not have to think twice to say you do '

The two men sat there, Tony was with his mind with Ziva only now he thought about what had happen when she had return to her father, and he had found out that he wasn't dead. She must have been beaten and more for days. She knew that but she hadn't killed him, why, that had only one answer, deep in his heart he knew she loved him. That was why she had taken the risk of being punished, of being in pain and for the worse beeing almost killed. He felt the pain, her pain. He had completely misunderstood everything she had done, she had done it for him. Ducky said that if you really love a person you don't have to think twice to say you do. It hat took him more than five years to figure it out.

'Anthony' Ducky woke him from his mind 'Do you'

'Yeah I do duck, I really do'

'my dear boy why are you still here than'

He once said to Ziva the heart wants what is wants, his wanted Ziva, than, now, forever. He jumped up and run to the door 'Thank you Duckster' he yelled over his shoulder.

There she was sitting in her room, her father hadn't know that she was away because he was on a mission for two and a half months now. She found herself starring at a photo of Tony. She couldn't bare it anymore inside she went outside and walked to the gym, on her way she past the park. Inside she let all her frustration out.

There he was on the airport in Tel Aviv, so what now he had gone to Israel to found the one he loved but that he realized that he didn't know the way didn't speak, read or understand Hebrew and that he didn't know where she lived. Time for Abby he thought.

'Abs, I need an address'

**A/N; and who is jumping up and down, I knew, I knew. Anyway tell what you think**


	4. Why are you here

**So this will be a short story 1,2,3 chaptors. Review tell me what you think. **

**thanks to all of you who do review love them  
**

**Chaptor 4 - why are you here**

He was walking through the city, Abby had give him the coordinates for the GPS in his cell. There it was he thought, seeing the only house in the street. He walked to it and knocked. There was a very big strong man opening

'who are you, and what do you want'

Tony had no idea what he had said so he was going for a guess 'Ziva David'

'She is gone' great the man spoke English

'Well, when is she coming back'

The man didn't even answer he just threw the door at his face, defeated he walked away. What if she was on a mission he couldn't wait for months in front of her door waiting for her to return. He didn't know what to do he walked back it was already dark, part of him was so tiered of the jetlag that it wanted to sleep the other part was so full of energy because he had to find Ziva. He looked around he was walking in a park, he decided to sit down and think.

----

In the mean while Ziva was gone from the gym. It was already dark when she walked back through the park. She didn't want to go home there she was alone and it was silence, here she could hear at least some sounds. She sat down at the fountain. Just listening to the water.

Tony stood up he didn't know why but he began to walk again. He kept hearing Duckys words in his mind. If you love a person with whole your heart you don't have to think twice to say you do. And he did he wanted to said it yell it so everyone would know. There was the fountain, he was going to throw some water in his face, when he saw her. It couldn't be, but it was she was there.

'Ziva' he said, not really loud. But she looked up, and there eyes met.

'Ziva. I ' he began while he was now standing in front of her. But she looked away, it stung his heart but he didn't go.

'_the heart wants what it wants'_

She heard her name and looked up, her eyes met those lovely green ones. She couldn't look at them, afraid that it was a lye that she would make things worse.

'Don't walk away Zi' he begged

She couldn't she had to protect herself from this if they were done talking if they talked he had to go back and she had to stay. If he could forgive her. So with that in her mind she said everything on a cold hars and little angry tone. Though the anger was on herself. 'why are you here. If you have come to yell more at me than just leave me be' Ziva said.

'please wait,' she was going to walk away ' Just stay' he said when he thought there was only one chance for this. And he had to say it good. 'you don't think that I came half across the world _just_ to yell at you'

'so what more than yelling are you here fore'

'I'm not here to yell at you I've came because' he thought he couldn't say it.

'save it Tony' her heart broke peace by peace. When she started to walk away on a fast tempo. He was going to lose her he had to say it. So why didn't he, was it false what he had told Ducky, maybe he didn't love her. In a few seconds he saw it all.

'_NO, Ziva GO. And Don't Come Back' 'Oke well than do it, Kill me like I'm nothing to you, just another of your targgets. '_

'_Can you Imagen how I felt, how I still feel. What Abby has told you was true. Is true but I just can't. Just leave, go and don't come back'_

'_yeah I do duck, I really do'_

'I love you' he threw out_. _ 'I love you Ziva', she turned around he walked to her as fast as he cloud.

He leaned forward and kissed her on her lips.

'But I thought you' she said confused. 'Tony… '

'forget what I've said, what I've done. I was only angry with myself. Zee-Vah'

'to much has happened. What I have done will always be a problem'

'if that is it Zi, I forgive you, I already had, I loved you, I still do and I know you love me to. So please come home. With me' he said.

He kissed her again only this time he wrapped his arms around her to pull her even closer. She didn't push him away, but deepened the kiss.

After they both needed to breath he kept her in his embrace she put her face against his chest and they just stood there. Until Tony thought that he heard a sob. He slightly pushed her away, and saw the tears in her eyes.

'what's up Zi'

'I thought I'd lost you'

'your never gonna loose me, I'll stay with you until you get sick of me'

They walked back to Ziva's home the man who had slammed the door at Tony's face wanted to throw him out. But Ziva stepped in and send him away. They sat down on the couch, Tony lay Ziva down in his arms.

'what did decided you to come here' Ziva asked.

'had a good talk with Ducky'

'what did he say'

'that if you love some one with whole your heart that you don't have to think twice to say you do' he said while stroking her hear 'do you'

'yes, I do'

He kissed her she kissed him, and the kiss went into lust the lust in desire and they had a wonderful night. It was like it was the first night they had together.

**A/N so What cha' think, review please love you guys Hugs**


	5. I am comming home

**So here is another update, Chaptor 5 the one you've all been waiting for. after this another last chaptor. **

**Hugs,**

**Disclamer: I sadly do not own NCIS**

**Check my other story's as wel  
**

**Chaptor 5 – I'm going home**

The next morning they woke up in each others embrace

'please don't go away' Ziva whispered

'I wont I promise'

They went downstairs where Ziva made him a breakfast. When he ate she had gone upstairs when she came back she was all dressed up she had some clothes in her hand that she gave to him. It all went the same as in those last few months. Every thing went well until round 1pm. Ziva got a call after that everything chanced.

'Tony you have to go'

'why'

'my father, he is on his way from the airport, you can not stay'

'Ziva look at me' he said when he grabbed Ziva's head in his hands 'you love me right' she nodded 'then we'll see him together, it's okay I'm not leaving you'

Only ten minutes after that he walked in,

'shalom abba' Ziva said

'shalom' as soon as Eli David saw Tony 'what is he doing here'

'abba, he is with me' she said when she walked to Tony and he stroke softly over her arm.

'come' Eli said when walking to his office 'only you'

'Tony you have to stay here' she said before walking after him. The door closed and then all hell broke lose.

'what is it you try to say with he is with you'

'I am saying that I will return to NCIS, to my team my friends, to him. And you can't stop me' she felt so strong that moment.

'your place is here with mossad what does they have to offer you'

'him'

'him' Eli said laughing 'he is nothing'

'he loves me'

'Ziva, Ziva, Ziva I thought I'd raised you better than this, love. Love is nothing you say he loves you, Ziva think he will leave you and than you will be back to Mossad'

'No, No not again. I have left him twice and I'm not doing it again' with all the strengt she had she said 'I wont return to Mossad of you. Shalom abba' she said and turned her back to him and wanted to open the door and walk away walk away from the pain of her past.

'do not turn you back at me, if you want it you can get it' he singed to someone when Simeon walked in. she did not see this happen.

He grabbed her arm before she could fight back he punched her. In her face in her stomach, and her father stood there he only looked at her. Ziva pulled a knife that was hiding round her waised, she was not letting herself getting beaten again. But she found her fathers eyes starring and Simeon grabbed the knife from her and looked at his director, he nodded. Simeon gut her arm, and kept beating her, she could not stop them anymore. Than the worse happen, Eli David stood up and opened the door he did not even look her in the eyes when he walk away. When Tony saw him he knew it wasn't right so he rushed up to the office to see what was happening. Simeon just gave a punch when Tony threw himself on Simeon. He gave a few had kicks and punches, he knew somehow to grab the knife and stabbed him, the knife still in his shoulder. Simeon was distracted and in pain so Tony got Ziva up and they walked away as fast as they could. Walking to a un sure futher but together.


	6. finally right

**So this will be a short story 1,2,3 chaptors. Review tell me what you think. **

**really short ending of this story, not totally happy but well**

**so it has turned out 6 chaptors instead of 3, hope you read my other story´s**

**Chaptor 6 – finally right.**

It was five months since he finally said he loved her. They we sitting in the grass of there house, looking at the sky.

Tony put his arm around her different than he normaly did. 'what' Ziva asked noticing he hold her differently.

'I just want you to know I'm here, and want you to feel me near' he said looking in her beautiful eyes. 'And I'm not leaving you or her ever alone' he said when he put his hand on Ziva's Belly that had grown. 'I just hope'

'don't worry, it will go fine you make a grate daddy. And the most important thing is that were together. There will be better days than we have known. We will find a way, wait. I just can feel it' Ziva said with a loving smile.

'I will always wait for you Zee-Vah. And always love you' than he kissed her

**-----**

When the baby was born the words Ziva had said came true. Tony got back to work as team leader, together with his McProbie. Abby was training a girl who could be her as she was 19 years old. Even with the baby Kelly Tali Dinozzo, Ziva kept working, not as much as she used to but most of the time she was at NCIS. With her family, the ones she loved. When the team were away she was down with Abby and Kelly. But right now she was upstairs, Abby was with her and palmer for some reason. Ziva and Tony looked at there daughter, Mcgee was holding Abby's hand and Palmer was smiling at the baby. Suddenly Ziva felt as if they were watched, she looked up, there he was he was standing at the balcony, looking down at them, Gibbs.

He saw her looking up at him, he was back. He took care of his family, only now as the director of NCIS. When he looked at Tony and Ziva he smiled. Everything was like it had to be. I nodded at Ziva she smiled and looked back at her baby girl, and at her husband.

Ziva looked back at Kelly who was sleeping in her armes.

'What' Tony asked her.

'Nothing' she said before giving him a quick kiss. Every thing was right now and it would stay that way she just knew that. 'I love you'


End file.
